I'm Done.

This isn't what I want. This has never been what I wanted, and I thought that was clear. Through all the signs, I still carried on as things were. Afraid to loose not only what I couldn't have,but was never mine to begin with. I heard the advice from my friends and peers, and listened to what my mind would scream before I fell asleep, but didn't listen. I continued falling down the rabbit hole to self destruction until I hit the bottom. I clinged to anything an everything I could grab, "anything is better than nothing". It's not though. Even though it's hard for me to see right now, this is the best move. I deserve to feel like I'm enough.

I am enough. I am full of life, and a child at heart. I am caring and helpful. I sincerely want to change the world for the better. I stand up for who and what I believe in. I sometimes fail, but I am still enough. I am human, and I am a woman, and I am enough. I am enough of a dreamer to yearn to be treated like a queen. I am enough of a realest to settle for princess. I know enough to realize that life goes on. But I cared enough for my heart to ache. I am enough. And I will not settle for anything or anyone that doesn't make feel like I'm enough.

I just got back from returning his belongings. I thought I saw an ounce of pain/regret. "This is out of nowhere" he said. I had to remind him it had been like this for a while, that I couldn't keep giving and not receiving. That I couldn't keep going on with things as they were. Feelings. I'm done.

I drove away and tried not to look back. Why is it after all he did to me I find myself crying?

Bababa Booty Call!

Well folks, I've finally got something worth blogging about! Since my college career began, friends and coworkers have advised me to enter the dating world. This year, I finally took the plunge. I consider myself somewhat a master at giving advice, especially relationship advice. However, I came to realize, through a friend, that I'd been ignoring all the usual red flags in my own dating life!

I met a guy on pof.com who I'd been texting/messaging for about a month before we finally decided to meet up and go on a date. I had already explained to him that, not only am I a virgin, but am also VERY innocent as far as any intimacy goes. He assured me we'd go slow. Even on the first date, there was a lot of kissing, hugging, he gave me a back rub, and there was some feeling me up on his part.

Second date was no different, but went a little further. After my best friend gave me a call to chat, I told her every detail. She was shocked, of course, innocent me finally getting somewhat intimate with people, on the second date nonetheless. My best friend called me back, not five minutes later, telling me there are a LOT of red flags. I was/am being treated like a booty call. Now it's just to move on from here. Sure as shit, the first time I step foot into the dating world, I turn into a lighter version of a booty call. Offta.